Blogs: Santoro's Unnamed Blog

Anime Sucks Simple Because It Is Too Predictable

Anime refers to Japanese animated video.  If you have ever seen anime, you will realize that it sucks.  Anime sucks mainly because it is too predictable.  Anyone that has seen more than one anime will notice similarities.

One thing that someone will clearly notice while watching anime is that all of the female characters do not look like real females.  Anime females tend to resemble the ideal female body and not the typical female body.  The anime female’s waistline is normally smaller than the size of their shoulders.  The chest of any female anime character is usually much bigger than it should be.  Finally, the legs of the female anime character are on average 75% of the whole character.  If this were in fact a real person she would never have any children, suffer from back problems and have a hard time finding pants that fit properly.  Anime sucks because it does not depict the true female form.

Anime male characters are also nothing like real males.  Male anime characters are not as complex as the female characters.  The main characteristic of the male anime character is that they have a tremendous amount of muscles.  Their muscles are not only in the typical areas on the body but also on top of other muscles.  Another common characteristic of the male anime character is that their hair must be about 14 inches long and spiked.  Again, the male anime character is not as complex as the female but still does not resemble the average male and that is one of the reasons that anime sucks.

Not only are the male and female characters predictable in anime but the cast is too.  The main character of any anime is normally a young male that tends to be a loner.  The main character normally has a best friend that is a less-developed version of the main character.  The best friend will travel very close to the main character and try to help out but cannot due to the fact that he is not yet fully developed.  There is also the sidekick that appears in most anime.  The sidekick is very similar to the best friend.  Both the best friend and sidekick have one function and that is to show how much better the main character is.  The final good guy that appears in anime is the random savior.  The random savior tends to appear anytime that the main character is in trouble.  He will come in, get the main character out of trouble then leave again.  Not all of the characters in anime are good characters; there are also evil characters.

All anime includes the same type of typical evil characters.  The main evil character is very evil and powerful.  He has unlimited funds and gets anything that he wants.  In addition to his already un-human characteristics the main evil character can also transport anywhere and appear out of nowhere.  The main evil character does not work alone.  Working for him is the race of evil characters.  The evil race is typically very strong and futuristic.  Needless to say, no human or military on the planet can defeat the evil race.  The evil race cannot be defeated because they are much more advanced and do not use our conventional weapons.  They use yellow glowing balls that kill everything they come in contact with.  Obviously, the anime cast is not like any group of humans anywhere in the world and that is another reason why anime sucks.

Now that we have established that the characters and are the same in all anime we will now tackle the plot.  The story line is always simple.  The main evil character wants to first destroy the world then rule it.  Most people would want to do things in the other order but not in anime.  When the world finds out the main evil character’s intentions all of the nations must join together to fight the evil race.  The world then realizes that their conventional weapons have no impact against the evil race.  The world also realizes that their offensive war strategy, simply running straight and attacking, does not work.  When 99% of the world’s population has been killed the main character is called in to help.  The strange thing is that no weapon in the world is able to defeat the evil race or main evil character but the main character can come in and win the battle.  During the main fight sequence lots of light flashes will be used.  The light flashes are used in hopes that the viewer will have a seizure before they realize that every plot is the same and anime does in fact suck.

Now that the plot of anime has been established it is important to also know the few key events that will take place.  In every anime someone must explode in such a way that the body balloons first, deflates then explodes.  Before the evil main character dies he will transform in to several different life forms then die.  Before any laser gun fires it must first power up for a long time while making typical 1970’s style sound effects.  When a female character is preparing for a fight they will not pick out any type of armor, a small bikini will be good enough.  When a female is shot at her cloths will fly off in small pieces and disincarnate immediately.  Also, when the main character is in a fight, he may be shot but will never be wounded or die.  All anime includes the same key events not necessarily in that given order, proving that it is predictable and sucks.

All in all, anime sucks because it is predictable.  Both male and female characters have characteristics that are not human.  All anime has the same basic structure for a cast.  The plots are always the same and the same key events always take place.  Anime would not suck if it were more original; unfortunately it is not and therefore sucks.


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About Santoro

I'm Santoro and in addition to co-hosting The Stabcast I sometimes write some things for the site.