I was sitting down reading some of the old news I’ve used for “Odd News” in the past and came across some fucked up names that parents gave their kids. This got me thinking about some other terrible names; thus I present to you The Top 5 Worst Girl Names and The Top 5 Worst Boy Names:
#5 – Dora and Jesus
Even IF you’re latino, these names aren’t appropriate!
Yep… your little girl will be destined to walk with a monkey too.
Dora is the short form of Theodora. Which is just one letter off from an annoying, singing chipmunk. This name dates make almost as far as our ‘male’ counter-part and simply puts your child in danger with creepy, adult males who have a fetish for exploring.
I’d settle for King… being King of King’s doesn’t seem all that great
Talk about having a lot to live up to… the original Jesus turn water into mother fucking wine! If your kid doesn’t do anything short of pouring a beer correctly, he’s a failure. If he falls off a bike and crys, his friends will remind him that the real Jesus didn’t cry so much when he was crucifed!
#4 - Esther and Lester
These names are horrible for similar reasons. First, Esther sounds like a name from the early 1900′s… seriously. It’s height of popularity was when President Grover Cleveland had a daughter and named her Esther. It just sounds old… imagine your daughter having to live with that… her friends would call here grandma.
And Lester?!?! This name is even older! It originated from Leicester, a city in the UK. If you lived there, that was your last name. Yep… and they had to change the spelling to the current day Lester to know who wasn’t related so there weren’t any accidental inbreeding!
Both these names are mean your child will become a child molester.
#3 – Bella and Edward
This movie has ruined everything
I feel bad for guys like Ed Helms, though this could be why of the reasons he dropped Edward down to Ed, who have to share this name. Edward used to mean rich, blessed… it had honor to it. Then Twilight happened. Edward simply means gay, sparkly vampire.
Bella is the shortform of Isabella and any other damn name that ends with “-bella”. It means beautiful… until Kristen Stewart became attached to the name. Looks like Bella now means shitty acting or clutz.
#2 - Irene and Shane
Irene – meaning “peace”. This was the name of the Greek goddess who personified peace. I’m normally all about Greek names, specifically the ones that are from Mythology and the gods and goddess’, however this one makes me feel bad. Like a poor chinese person is scream that they need help because the are leaning so much they are about to fall, but you can’t understand them and think they are just calling for their friend Irene. Poor bastards.
Shane just reminds me of an asshole. First, Vin Diesel portrayed a Shane in The Pacifier…
When is this guy NOT an assclown?
Then there was Robert Kirkman’s comic book, The Walking Dead. Shane is the main character’s, Rick, best friend. After Rick goes into a coma and the zombie apocalypse occurs, Shane protects Rick’s family… but doesn’t protect himself when he fucks Rick’s wife. Then goes crazy and tries to kill Rick.
The worse Shane, is again from The Walking Dead, but the TV Show incarnation, who is seemingly in a loving – secret, but loving – relationship with Rick’s wife during his their escape to Atlanta. When Rick comes back, he doesn’t really try to kill Rick (yet)… just hand rape his wife.
Your son could grow up to be a rapist!
#1 Worst Girl Name
Irma… she’s got a cunty face
As I’ve already mentioned… Irma just screams CUNTTTTYYYY! A product of the Nazi’s final solution, Irma Grese or the “Bitch of Belsen” was a guard at concentration camps Ravensbrück, Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen. Transferred to Auschwitz in 1943, (she must have shown particular enthusiasm and dedication to the job), she was promoted to Senior Supervisor, the 2nd highest ranking female in camp, by the end of the year. In charge of over 30,000 Jewish female prisoners, she reveled in her work. Her work included; savaging of prisoners by her trained and half starved dogs, sexual excesses, arbitrary shootings, sadistic beatings with a plaited whip, and selecting prisoners for the gas chamber. She enjoyed both physical and emotional torture and habitually wore heavy boots and carried a pistol to facilitate both.
Now that’s daddy’s little princess!
#1 Worst Boy Name
Adolf… ruined an awesome ‘stache for everyone!
If you name your son Adolf, he is destined to be evil. In fact, most people will try to drown him to prevent another war. The name used to mean noble wolf… which is bad ass. So, the most evil guy in the world has now ruined a name with an awesome meaning and a mustache style forever… this is the only name that can never be saved. Unless we invent time travel and go kill baby Hitler.
That gives me an idea… Back to the Future Part IV… NEXT WEEK on Thursdays of Steel!
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